‘‘Go home and enjoy your baby.”

In 2022, my daughter was born with extreme and unexpected blood loss. She was immediately taken to the NICU and I spent hours alone, unsure whether she was alive. Elowen went on to make a full recovery but the trauma of her birth and our separation left an indelible mark. While profoundly grateful for her survival, I found myself navigating deep grief as I mourned the loss of being unable to hold her during her first breaths and welcome her fully to the world. 
In the following months after my daughter’s birth, we lived in the unknown; unsure of what her birth would mean for her long-term health. As I held my breath with every milestone reached, I thought back to the Golden Hour, what it should have looked like and what its absence meant for other mothers beyond that missing hour.

The Hardest Hue to Hold is a new body of work exploring birth trauma, the confrontation of loss and the role missing photographs play in the lives of mothers separated from their babies in the hour after birth.

The complete series will be available to view in 2025/26.

Note: The title ‘The Hardest Hue to Hold’ is inspired by Robert Frost’s 1923 poem Nothing Gold Can Stay.