I didn’t get to hold my daughter when she was born. She was rushed to emergency care with severe blood loss and I spent hours alone, unsure whether she was alive. The trauma of our separation left an indelible mark and became the catalyst for this work. While profoundly grateful for her survival, I was left with an unfamiliar grief and a need to understand what had been lost.
The first hour after birth is commonly known as the ‘Golden Hour’, a time when uninterrupted skin-to-skin contact is understood to support early bonding, maternal mental health and newborn well-being. When this moment is missed, its absence is rarely acknowledged and women are often discouraged from sharing their experiences for fear of causing distress to others.
In the months following my daughter’s birth, I lived in the unknown, unsure of what her arrival would mean for her long-term health. As I held my breath with each milestone reached, I returned to the Golden Hour—what it should have felt like, and what its loss might mean for others.
The Hardest Hue to Hold explores the lasting impact of birth trauma and how the loss of skin-to-skin is carried through motherhood over time. Rather than attempting to resolve or replace the Golden Hour, the work gives its absence voice and form. Through an interplay of light and shadow, the photographs trace the dissonance between profound gratitude and intangible grief.
Intimate portraiture and metaphorical observations of nature are woven together, moving between moments of presence, rupture, and reflection. The images speak to the tender journey of finding one another, reminding us that the power of touch endures. The title is drawn from Robert Frost’s poem Nothing Gold Can Stay, whose meditation on impermanence gently informs the rhythm of the work. In bringing together these untold stories of birth, this project bears witness to maternal resilience and to the way the loss of the Golden Hour quietly redefines intimacy between a mother and child. It asks what it means to begin a relationship shaped by absence.
The completeseries will be available to view in Spring 2026.
